If you want to know who I am, I'm the girl you want to be.
I stole the heart of your brother and your boyfriend.
Eyes down, I slick a line of lipstick over my perfectly shaped lips. As I look up, you sharply look away, pretending you weren't watching. Mouth open, eyes wide.
My body is perfect. You know the type: long tanned legs, tiny waist and DD cups. You're lucky to be my friend. One of the priveleged few who I tell all my secrets. You hate me. But without me you are nobody. When you were working for your degree, I did nothing. In fact during finals I was taking lines every night, and I still did better than you.
There's a man walking over. He's tall, dark and tanned. Although he's just made the mistake that every stranger makes - he approached me. Big mistake. If only he'd waited for me to give a signal, then he might have had a chance of buying me a coffee. But assume you can just come over? No. I tell him I'm busy. This blog doesn't write itself. The sunshine is bright and I have to squint to see the screen of my Blackberry.
I'm in the dark and I cannot see. The shadow of the doorway darkens the corner and I realise that I'm in an empty room. I've been here before. If I open the door I would be blinded by light so I stay. I sit on the cold hard floor and try to catch my breath. Sometimes I turn up in places like this and I don't know how I got here. All I can feel is hatred and anger.
I cut myself when it hurts inside. It helps sometimes. I want to be strong. I want to be the beautiful girl in the park I walk past every afternoon on my way home. She's never even noticed me. Why would she. When she moved to this town I heard her name mentioned in every conversation. And when I saw her, I knew she was the girl. She's cool and she's pretty and she's probably amazing in bed. To have everything when I have nothing makes me so angry. Why is God such a bitch.
I want to hurt her. Make her feel the way I feel. I could tie her up in a chair in here. Make her cry in the dark and laugh at her as her make-up gets spoilt and her mask is shattered. Then I'd get a knife and stroke it across her gorgeous neck. Just to tease her. Then I'd kiss her all over and rip all her clothes off and in an instant I would grab the shining knife and stab her in the breast. Pulling the knife out and stabbing again and again and again.
